French Etiquette: Essential Rules for Being the Perfect Guest (or Host) in France

French etiquette is like a game of unwritten rules that hold real meaning, especially around the dining table. When I was young, my grandfather had his own way of reminding me not to forget these little habits: at every meal, he would smile and say, Pose tes valises! (literally “put your suitcases down!”). It was his gentle way of reminding me to place my hands on the table and avoid letting them rest beneath it.

This little ritual, both sweet and funny, always made me smile, but it also taught me that, in France, every gesture at the table counts. Etiquette isn't just about good manners; it's a way to show respect, even in the simplest moments.

A Brief History of French Etiquette

From the earliest civilizations, table manners have evolved. The Romans and Greeks ate mostly with three fingers and large knives. It wasn't until the Austrian court, under the reign of Louis XIV, the “Sun King”, that dining etiquette became truly codified. A snippet from the Austrian court's table code says: “One must not rock in their chair, throw bones under the table, spit in the dishes, blow one's nose into the tablecloth, or drink in a beastly manner.”¹.

After the French Revolution of 1789, which challenged royal norms, Napoleon I reinstated the importance of etiquette. By the late 18th century, with the rise of the bourgeoisie, etiquette codes began spreading beyond aristocratic circles. French table manners became a symbol of wealth, education, and prestige, and were taught to young girls at school. These manners eventually permeated all of French society and remain ever-present today.

The Art of Inviting The French Way

Inviting people to dinner in France involves considering various aspects, and it's understandable if it feels a little stressful—especially when inviting the French. To help you with organizing a French-style invitation, we'll first explore the different types of gatherings you might host and how they work. Then, we'll go over the essentials to ensure your event goes smoothly for both you and your guests.

Different types of French Dining Gatherings

From casual meals to formal dinners and game nights, France offers various styles of gatherings. Here's a rundown to help you prepare and adapt to each one!

The Apéro-Dînatoire

The apéro-dînatoire is perfect for a relaxed evening with friends or family without too much fuss. The idea is to nibble on small, tasty bites while chatting and drinking, without the need to sit around a traditional dinner table.
Cheese, charcuterie, tapenade, mini quiches, and other delicious nibbles are served, and guests help themselves. There are no strict rules except to enjoy the time together, talking, eating, and having fun. It's an extended happy hour that slowly turns into a dinner without the formalities. It's ideal when you want to host without overcomplicating things! Typically, it begins around 6:30 or 7:00 PM.

The Classic French Dinner

A French dinner is a true moment of enjoyment, with a carefully ordered course sequence that makes all the difference. The meal usually begins with a light starter, often a small salad, soup, or seafood, to whet the appetite. Next comes the main course, typically a hearty portion of meat, poultry, or fish, accompanied by vegetables or potatoes. Afterward, cheese is served: a platter featuring a variety of cheeses, from creamy to strong, along with bread. To finish, a sweet dessert like a homemade tart, chocolate mousse, or crème brûlée rounds off the meal.

The idea is to savor each course without rushing, engage in conversation between courses, and enjoy the convivial atmosphere. These meals are enjoyed in a relaxed atmosphere, but always with plenty of good humor and often lively discussions. Be sure to check out this article for key insights into the art of French conversation so you'll be ready to take part!

These meals are usually eaten around 8:00 PM, but in Paris, they tend to start closer to 8:30 PM, often after an apéritif.

Sunday Brunch

Sunday brunch is the perfect blend of breakfast and lunch, a beloved French tradition, especially when the weekend rolls around. It's a leisurely time spent with family or friends, enjoying a relaxed meal together without any rush.

Typically, brunch begins with pastries (croissants, pain au chocolat), buttered toast with jam, and, of course, coffee or tea. You'll also find dishes like scrambled eggs, quiches, fresh salads, and cheeses, depending on preferences. It's also a great time to enjoy fresh fruit juices or homemade smoothies.

There's no set time for brunch: you can start as late as 11:00 AM and go on until around 2:00 PM, depending on when you and your guests wake up. It's a very flexible, enjoyable, and pressure-free meal, offering a perfect start to a relaxing day. It's a must-try ritual to fully experience the French atmosphere!

Parisians particularly enjoy trendy, intimate restaurants with cozy décor, which add charm to these moments suspended in time.

Game Night

Game nights are a fantastic way to have fun with friends or family, and they're an integral part of French social life. People gather around board games, whether classics like Monopoly, Scrabble, or Cluedo, or more modern and quirky ones like Dixit or Times Up. The great thing is that everyone can participate, regardless of age. The atmosphere is often very relaxed and full of laughter.
People nibble on snacks, enjoy a drink, and dive into hours of friendly competition (or cooperation, depending on the game!). It's a great way to break the ice and share meaningful moments together. You can start at the same time as a traditional dinner, but it can also begin earlier, around 6:30 PM.

Raclette Night – à la bonne franquette!

Raclette night is the ultimate cozy and convivial French meal, especially popular in winter! The concept is simple: melt raclette cheese (a creamy, flavorful cheese) and pour it over steamed potatoes, accompanied by charcuterie (cured ham, salami, etc.), pickles and onions.

Everyone serves themselves, melting as much cheese as they like in the raclette machine. It's the perfect representation of a à la bonne franquette meal – a casual meal that's all about sharing and enjoying time together, without the pressure on the host's preparation.

If you have the chance to attend or host a raclette night, don't miss out on this deeply ingrained French tradition! For raclette nights, the timing is similar to a regular dinner gathering.

The Formal Dinner Party

Finally, you've been invited to a formal dinner party! This is the “chic” version of a dinner gathering, where people meet in an elegant setting for a night of refined yet friendly conversation. The meal follows the same structure as a classic dinner: starter, main course, cheese, dessert, and good wine.

But beyond the food, it's also an opportunity for more intellectual discussions, ranging from current events to culture or even business. Guests dress accordingly, and etiquette is key. You can talk about anything, but not in just any way! This is where observing table manners and French etiquette becomes even more important.

Preventing Allergies and Intolerances

When inviting people over for dinner, it's always a good idea to ask in advance if they have any food allergies or intolerances, to avoid any awkward situations during the meal. You can ask casually. It shows that you care about your guests and want to prepare a meal that suits them perfectly.

And if, as a guest, you have any intolerances or dietary preferences, don't hesitate to mention them as well. This avoids any unpleasant surprises and ensures that everyone can enjoy the evening without worry. It's a small gesture, but it really helps make the welcome more pleasant and relaxed.

Dress Code

When inviting someone over for dinner, it can be helpful to specify the dress code or the atmosphere of the evening so your guests feel comfortable and know what to expect. There's nothing more awkward than showing up dressed to the nines for a casual get-together, or vice versa! Remember that Christmas when you were the only one wearing a fancy outfit while everyone else had on a chunky, festive sweater?

Here are a few questions or phrases you can use:

These little phrases give a hint about the tone of the evening, allowing your guests to prepare accordingly, without any pressure.

How to Invite and Respond to an Invitation

Here are some common phrases the French use to invite others to dinner. You can adapt them to your style and personality, but remember that simplicity and sincerity are always appreciated.

Here are some common expressions for enthusiastically accepting an invitation.

What to Bring When You're Invited to Dinner?

When invited to a meal and wondering if you should bring something, a good way to handle the uncertainty is to simply offer to bring a dessert or a drink. It shows you want to contribute and relieves the host, who might not have thought of everything.
If the host doesn't mention anything about it, no worries: you can always ask if there's something specific they would like you to bring or do. It's a nice way to make sure you don't arrive empty-handed while respecting what the host prefers. Ultimately, it's a gesture that pleases everyone!

If the host insists you don't need to bring anything, feel free to bring a small gift, depending on the occasion. For example, a box of chocolates from a chocolatier you like, a bouquet of flowers with water, a bottle of chilled champagne, or even a thoughtful little item. The most important thing is that it's something you know will make them happy and that you genuinely want to offer. Here are some helpful phrases for these moments.

Welcoming Your Guests: French Etiquette

What Time Should You Arrive

When you arrived, you probably asked yourself the following question : what time do French eat dinner in Paris ? In France, arriving 10 to 15 minutes after the scheduled dinner time is often seen as a small sign of conviviality. It gives the host a bit of extra time to perfect the last details, and it avoids creating a rushed or stressful atmosphere. In fact, this is somewhat of a norm in certain situations, especially if the dinner is more casual.
However, be careful not to overdo it: while a 10-15 minute delay may be acceptable and even appreciated culturally, it's important not to make everyone wait for too long.

Welcoming Your Guest

There are a few customs to observe when arriving somewhere, whether as a guest or a host. These little touches show respect for others and ensure everything goes smoothly while creating a relaxed atmosphere. Here are some welcoming phrases you can use to put your guest at ease right from the start. With these little gestures, your guest will feel warmly welcomed!

Taking Your Guest's Coat

As a host, it's a nice touch to offer to take your guests'coats as soon as they arrive. It's a small gesture that shows you're looking after them and want them to feel at ease.
By offering a place to put their things, such as a coat rack or even a room, you relieve your guests of having to worry about it throughout the evening. Plus, it sets a relaxed and welcoming tone right from the start, allowing everyone to focus on enjoying the moment without thinking about their outerwear.
If you know certain guests might be shy or hesitant, feel free to gently offer to take their coat. It's always appreciated!

Here are a few common and natural phrases to offer to take your guests'coats.

To Remove or Keep Shoes?

In France, it's not uncommon for guests to be asked to remove their shoes when entering someone's home. This practice might surprise those not used to it, but it's part of certain traditions, especially in homes with carpets. Taking off your shoes is seen as a sign of respect for the home and the host, and it helps maintain cleanliness and comfort inside.² Don't hesitate to ask if it's necessary.

As a host, it's always better to let your guests know in advance if you have a habit of asking them to remove their shoes. This prevents any awkward surprises (your guests won't end up wearing socks with holes!) and helps everyone feel more at ease from the start. You can mention this casually. It's an easy custom to follow, without pressure, and it makes your guests feel more comfortable. And if you have slippers or indoor shoes to offer them, even better! It adds a warm and welcoming touch. Letting them know in advance is a small gesture that makes the atmosphere even more relaxed.

Here's an example phrase to bring it up before the evening:

French Dining Etiquette: An Art of Living!

For the French, mealtime is almost sacred. It's much more than just a time to eat; it's a real moment of conviviality where people take the time to chat, laugh, and share delicious dishes. Whether with family or friends, every meal is an opportunity to reconnect. In France, we love to take our time at the table, savor each bite, and enjoy the company of others. It's also a way to pass down family recipes and celebrate significant life moments. A meal is a true moment of pleasure and sharing, a ritual deeply rooted in French culture.
While it's a joy to be invited to a dinner party, it's important to respect certain cultural codes and etiquette, which, whether consciously or not, are expected by the host and other guests during the meal.

So, shall we sit at the table?

Toasting Before Drinking

Toasting before drinking is a tradition with significant symbolic meaning. In France, as in many cultures, raising your glass and toasting with someone before drinking marks a moment of exchange and connection between the people attending. It shows respect and celebrates the moment together. This practice is a gesture of conviviality, a way to wish luck, health, and joy to those with whom you're sharing this time. It's a small ritual that adds to the magic of the meal or party. When toasting, be sure to look the other person in the eyes and avoid clinking glasses too hard!

Commenting on the Meal

In France, it's quite common to comment on the meal during dinner, and this is usually done in a positive way. If you find the dish delicious, don't hesitate to express it (especially if you know your host made it themselves)! This shows that you really appreciate what the host has prepared.
However, it's best to avoid negative comments during the meal unless you're very close to the host and feel comfortable offering constructive feedback. Genuine compliments are always welcome and make everyone feel good.
During more formal or high-society dinners, it's better to remain a bit more discreet and avoid commenting on the meal.

Hands on the Table and Starting with the Outer Utensils!

At a formal dinner, there are a few small rules to follow to stay elegant at the table. For example, avoid resting your elbows on the table, but keep your hands on it as this looks more polished. As for the utensils, the French table setting follows the principle of starting with those placed farthest from your plate. It may seem formal, but it's a way to respect the etiquette while maintaining a smooth flow during the meal. These are small gestures that show you know how to behave, without overdoing it.

Acting as an Attentive Host

As a host, it's always a good idea to make sure everyone is well served and comfortable. For example, don't hesitate to refill empty glasses or offer more food if guests are still hungry. This shows that you care about their comfort and want the evening to be enjoyable until the very end. And at the end of the meal, instead of letting everyone leave too quickly, offer coffee, herbal tea, or even a small digestive drink—it's always appreciated! It's a laid-back way to extend the evening and end the meal on a joyful note.

And What About the Language Barrier?

When you're not entirely comfortable with French, the language barrier at the table can be a bit intimidating, especially during a meal with French speakers. But don't worry, this is a common and perfectly understandable situation.

If you're having trouble following the conversations, feel free to politely ask someone to repeat or discreetly ask a neighbor for a little translation help. The French know their language can be difficult to master, and they will appreciate your efforts to participate in their language. The key is not to let embarrassment take over. A smile, a request for clarification, and, above all, showing that you're making an effort to understand and communicate will always be well received.

Remember, the most important thing is to enjoy the exchange and the time shared, not to speak perfectly. If you're taking French classes with our FrenchUp classes or the FrenchBooster Program, don't hesitate to ask your teacher to dedicate a lesson to this topic.

The Don'ts at the Table in France

At the table, there are a few rules of etiquette that are important to know to avoid missteps and ensure a pleasant atmosphere during the meal. While habits may vary from country to country or situation to situation, there are universally frowned-upon behaviors. So, to have a relaxed and enjoyable evening, it's helpful to know what little mistakes to avoid and adopt a respectful attitude.

🚫 Answering Your Phone or Leaving It on the Table

Answering the phone or checking messages during dinner is considered extremely rude, especially when you're a guest at someone's home. It can give the impression that you don't care about the host or the other guests, and it disrupts the convivial atmosphere of the meal. Even if you're expecting an important call, it's better to inform your host in advance and silence your notifications to avoid temptation.

In general, during a meal, your attention and conversation with your guests should be the priority, as it shows respect for those you're sharing the moment with. If a call or message absolutely can't wait, it's better to excuse yourself briefly and step out of the room to take the call. That should be an exception however.

🚫 The Restroom: Go Before Dinner

A practical tip: make sure to use the restroom before sitting down to eat! It's much more comfortable for everyone. It may seem trivial, but it also shows respect for the other guests and the host by not interrupting the conversation or disturbing the mood. If you really need to get up, don't worry, it's perfectly normal, but it's always better to do it before starting the meal to stay comfortable for the whole evening!

If you do need to use the restroom during the aperitif or meal, here are some polite phrases to use:

🚫 Clumsy Gestures

Talking with your mouth full, eating with your mouth open, or leaning too far over your plate – these are little things to avoid, especially at formal meals or when you're a guest. They can quickly become uncomfortable for others. The best approach is to chew calmly before responding, so you're not speaking while chewing.

It's also better to maintain an upright posture without leaning too much over your plate. These small gestures make the meal more enjoyable and relaxed, and everyone will feel more at ease.

🚫 Should You Say Bon Appétit?

Saying bon appétit is a common practice at home, a gesture of conviviality and sharing before starting the meal. However, in more formal settings or at a high-society dinner, it's better not to say it. It could come across as too familiar or even inappropriate, as etiquette in these situations dictates that you wait for the host to start eating to signal the beginning of the meal.
If you're unsure, the best thing is to follow the others: if the host or other guests say bon appétit, then you can say it too. But in a more refined context, it's better to refrain and let things unfold naturally.

Thank You Notes and Departure

After an evening or dinner invitation, it's a good idea to thank your host warmly for their hospitality. A thank-you message the next day, whether by phone, text, or even in writing, shows that you appreciated the time spent together. These simple words are a sign of gratitude and help strengthen your relationship with the host.
If you particularly enjoyed a dish, don't hesitate to mention it as it's always appreciated. It's an elegant and respectful way to close the event and show your appreciation for the effort the host put into organizing the evening.

Etiquette is great, but in the end, the most important thing is to have a good time and relax. The little rules of good manners are there to provide a framework, but they shouldn't get in the way of conviviality. Hosts are primarily there to enjoy a pleasant and relaxed evening, not just to serve a good meal, but also to share a nice moment. You're not just there to eat, but also to chat, laugh, and get to know each other better. The idea is to enjoy the moment, nourish the conversations, and strengthen friendships. What truly matters are the atmosphere, the conversations, and the good mood. Etiquette is there to serve conviviality!

In any case, if you invite me to your next raclette party, I'd be happy to come and poser mes valises!
Enjoy your French-style dinners!